4th love from latitude zero

So much of the past year is a blur  Most days are indistinguishable from one another. 

But there is one day that is different.  

I know where I was.  What I was feeling.  

It was in Sauers driveway. A place I loved for its sense of community.  It's sense of humanity. 

So much the same 

Ronnies blackberry desert 

Nancy's joyful laughter.  Rusty in her sunglasses always keeping a gentle eye on me.  Stobie yelling.  "Ready for another drink Parker?"

I hear it's called cognitive dissonance.  Where the mind and the body are in disconnect.    

My body was doing the same thing it always had on that same day for more than a decade.    

Yet my mind felt a disconnect.  

I remember Brian was never more than a few feet away from me.  As if ready to catch me were I to fall.  

Finally I could stand it no more.  Even though this was a place I knew I was loved and a place I loved.  

It was a place I couldn't stand to bear another moment of the conflict of the past and present 

I remember thinking.  I'll never be able to come back to this place because of the conflict between memory and reality. 

That was a year ago.  Today I am literally a quarter of the earth away from there.   And I miss it dearly.   

I will be there next year.  
I am ready.